C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
