So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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There's always time for handjobs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
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His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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