8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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