Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
