i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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