i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
