we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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