Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
