I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
