You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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