operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
