i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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