were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
