so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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