Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
