Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
