: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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