Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
