He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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