I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
