I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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