I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
