All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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