Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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