hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
