wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
