and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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