I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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