he wants to bone in the snuggie
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
