would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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