I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
