What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
