You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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