Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
