I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
