That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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