it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize