Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no you cant smoke seaweed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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