It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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