allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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