I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
