He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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