even my farts smell like vagina
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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