i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
