I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
