At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
