Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
