We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
