I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
