how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
