So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
