There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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