Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
