i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So much rum. So many feels.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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