Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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