My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
