I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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