I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
