well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
