Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
