Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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