I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
