i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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